Pilling it on...

We have been married two months tomorrow. That went by fast! Between two jobs, getting a home together, never ending thank you cards, two dogs, cooking and cleaning, and a husband who is getting ready for MCATs... Time has been a highly valued commodity and I have sorely missed writing.

Unless it is writing thank you notes, I can go a lifetime without writing another one of those... and in case you didn't know, I am thankful, oh so very thankful...

There are a lot of things I have learned about myself and my husband since we got married. I will go to bed with wet hair, and that drives Toby nuts. I also am not the best at hanging my towel up right away. Toby snores like a freight train. I wake up and poke at him till he rolls to his side. His hockey gear is not allowed in the apartment unless it is going to be immediately put in the wash machine. IMMEDIATELY.

...and the piles of stuff he leaves around... don't get me started...

Too late.

He has these little piles everywhere. DRIVES ME CRAZY. His sister used to complain about the same thing when they lived together. She advised that I needed a dumping ground just for his stuff. His mother calls them "Toby Piles". He says that it is better than having it spread out... I contend that it is not better than putting it away... crickets...

Yes, living with each other is not always easy... and no, having a roommate does not really prepare you for it. Marriage is a big adjustment in every way you can imagine. But honestly, I barely remember what it was like to be single... and what I do remember, makes me thankful for my sweet husband and his piles...

Okay, I could still do without the piles...

life isn't fair

Yesterday I got a text from Toby that I frankly am a little surprised I didn't get earlier.

"No fair that you got to see me in my wedding suit, but I don't get to see you in your dress until the wedding"

Well honey, life isn't fair, why would weddings be any different?

Yes, perhaps it isn't fair that I not only got to be there for him trying it on, but I was the one that everyone asked if I liked it. I am not sure anyone ever asked him what he thought about it.

There are a couple things other than the obvious lesson of life not being fair that he should keep in mind:

1. He is getting to wear a a light tan suit instead of a tux, no tie, and wear rainbow sandals instead of shoes. He should be counting his lucky stars.

2. I let him approve the dress I am wearing. The only thing I said was he couldn't see me in it till the wedding. Sure, I got to see him in his suit trying it on... but... well.... see the above lesson on life.

3. When he sees me in my dress that day, my hair will be done by a pro, I will have my make up perfect with fake eyelashes and nails done, and be cinched to perfection into my dress that has been altered multiple times to fit me like a glove. He will look... well pretty much like he does every day. Except with a really anxious look on his face. Guys have it so easy.

So see... life really isn't fair.

no goalie pads on the registry

I don't think I am alone in thinking that filling out the registry will be the most fun of the wedding process. You get to go around and pick out whatever you like and ask other people to buy it... what is there not to like about that!?

Well, turns out, it can be extremely draining. 

You have to try to figure out what you want, and need for the next 10 years.

Toby is going to med school... it will be 10 years before we buy ANYTHING else, so we have to make it count. 

Some of it has been really easy. Some of it, however, has us throwing our hands in the air. 

Our arch nemesis? Bedding. 

Who would have thought that picking out a duvet cover would take so much effort. Literally hours of time spent online and in stores trying to find something we can agree on. They are either too dull, or too girly, or too boyish... or just flat out butt ugly. Seriously, who designs this stuff!?

When we do seem to find something we like, without fail, it is discontinued and no longer available in the size we need. Without. Fail. 

I keep realizing there are things that we don't have on there yet. It seems to never end... and don't forget the issue I think every bride has when it comes to the registry... 

The groom who confuses the wedding gift registry with "dude I want that". 

My brother registered for rubber duckies and Pepsi just to mess with my sister-in-law when she wasn't looking. My fiance has his eyes on bigger loot. 

He keeps coming up with things he wants on the registry. Not a tool box, or drill, or some other home repair tool. He is thinking video games and goalie pads. 

Yes, goalie pads. 

There is a reason I keep the registry passwords... 

Anything but Average

Today I read an article from costofwedding.com that showed the 2012 averages for weddings. Some of the results were as follows:

The average wedding in the US costs just under $27k

The average wedding in San Diego costs well over $28k

The average wedding budget is $20k (which I guess means the average wedding goes 8k over budget).

80% of weddings happen in a church or synagogue (which is funny seeming most people don't go to church)

The average wedding guest list is 141 guests.

The average engagement is 17 months.

The average honeymoon lasts 8 days.

My conclusion... I am having anything but an average wedding.

Lets just say that without my budget weighing down the averages, the average wedding cost is probably significantly higher.

I am not getting married in a church... but I do go every Sunday.

Take the average wedding size... and double it. Then you have my wedding. So double the wedding size with about 30% of the budget. Sweet.

If I was engaged 17 months, someone would probably end up wounded. My 8 month engagement is way too long to me. I would never suggest it for God-fearing-nearing-thirty-year-olds.

Where I up the ante is my honeymoon, which will also be my first real vacation that is more than a Vegas weekend, which I have only done twice, 2 years ago. My honeymoon will be just under 2 weeks... take that pretty, pretty princess brides!

it's not cheating... it's planning...

We started our registry not long after we got engaged. We started cause it was a cold day, we had nothing else to do, and we thought it was going to be the most fun thing ever... Who doesn't want to go around stores, with a gun, and scan everything you want?

Strangely enough, it turned out to be miserable.

Don't get me wrong, at first it was a lot of fun. For about the first hour. We felt exhausted, and completely unprepared for the task. Who knew there were so many toasters to choose from?

Now we are 101 days from the wedding, and we are pretty much done (well pretty much... knives are hard!) and we are just a few weeks from the first shower. I logged onto one of our registries to check to see if we had registered for something, and I realized that eleven gifts were suddenly marked "fulfilled".

They may have just created a monster.

I suddenly started logging onto all our registries. I started reading off to Toby what we had "gotten". About half way through he tells me, "Isn't this cheating? You know what we are getting now. There is no surprise".

It's not like we don't have a list of everything we want online... I think that pretty much killed the element of surprise from the beginning.

I told him it was not cheating, it was part of planning, and I like to be well prepared.

I don't think he bought it.

Is it cheating? If you have had a wedding, did you look at your registry and scope out what you were getting? Is it kind of cheating and wrong to ask for particular items to begin with?

No matter the answer, I promise to act surprised. Now if you will excuse me, I have registries to check...

hold my hair

In every relationship, there are ways to tell you where you are at in that relationship. How do you feel about this person, what is the long term outlook, etc.

Typically, those things are centered around the most terrible parts of you and your humanity. The more you can be disgusting around that person without judgement, or barely even acknowledgement, the more committed you are. 

Poor Toby got to hold my hair last night... again.  

A few months ago I got food poisoning. While I had given up looking perfect around Toby all the time long ago, I hadn't quite been prepared for him to see me in all my food poisoning glory. He came in and asked if I was ok... I am pretty sure I didn't say anything, but he got the message. I then told him "Hold my hair". 

My fiance is a paramedic who deals with the most disgusting of stuff, so I am sure my little show was nothing, but I was so embarrassed just the same.  

Strangely, he didn't want to kiss me for a while... 

Last night we went to Disneyland, and I fared the rides alright, but the car... oh the evil car... 

Within about 10 minutes of leaving, I started feeling it. I am notorious for getting car sick. Ever since I was little, the car has been a torture device in my mind. Generally, I am never anything more than nauseous, so when he asked if I needed to pull over, I told him no. 

A little while later, he looked at me and said he thought we should pull over, and I quickly agreed and he pulled off onto a little road to a view point. 

Pulling over at a viewpoint, I yelled at him to stop the car. He then pointed out that we were still in the road. Something tells me that if we would have been in his car and not mine, he would have stopped in the middle of the freeway, but I digress. 

With an audience of people, overlooking a beautiful part of the ocean, I jumped out of the car and proceeded to "get rid of the nausea". Toby stood back in shock. Somehow, I think this was more surprising and shocking to him than the food poisoning, and I again said, "Hold my hair". 

When we got into the car, he offered me his left over horchata to drink from that morning... its the thought that counts, and apparently he thought I needed to clean out a little more... 

I looked at him in the car and told him that I was nothing but trouble. A few weeks ago, I jumped on his back and split my lip wide open. The night we became "official", we were being flirty and running through Cuvier Park in La Jolla and I slipped and fell flat on my butt and messed up my tailbone and couldn't sit right for three months. 

I am nothing but trouble... 

Toby however looked over at me and told me I was nothing but a blessing. 

He still wouldn't kiss me though... 

For over twenty-eight years, I have been a Good. In 106 days, that will all change... This is my journal of the journey to leaving the single life behind, planning a big wedding, and learning how to be a Mrs.

The misunderstandings, the bridal meltdowns, the burned meals. The whole shebang... well not all of it...hey, I gotta leave a little something to the imagination.

Chances are, its going to get a little messy...